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Three year old Chuck, dressed somewhat girlishly and sporting a blonde pageboy haircut is being posed on a pony by a photographer. We're close on the velvet material being slipped over his head. O.) Velvet brushing against my tender young skin, as my mother dressed me. SCHOOL YARD - DAY Young Barris rolling on the ground in battle with another boy, as a crowd of children look on. O.) A constant, inarticulate rage leading to fist fight after fist fight. CHILDHOOD BEDROOM - MORNING Young Barris watches dust motes lit by the early morning sunlight pouring through his bedroom window. GONG SHOW An excerpt from The Gong Show (reenacted). We watch a fat man recite Hamlet, punctuating his soliloquy with loud belching noises. The cab driver waits, listens to staticky reports in a foreign language on his radio.

Barris finds his pants draped over a chair, pulls out his wallet, holds some more money out to the bellhop. there is no life of a man, faithfully recorded, but is a heroic poem of its sort, rhymed or unrhymed." I realized my salvation might be in recording my wasted life, unflinchingly. In addition, I have murdered thirty-three human beings. The naked Barris approaches the bellhop, drapes his arm over the young man's shoulder and walks with him. CONTINUED: (2) BARRIS (conspiratorially) You know what I'd do? I'd rub Alpo brand dog food on my dick so the dogs would stick their noses into my... BELLHOP (re: exploded tv) Um, another Gong Show rerun, sir? That was my trick, my great contribution to the world. HOTEL ROOM - NIGHT Barris, now in a hotel terrycloth bathrobe and a porkpie hat, sits at a desk and types manically. I am responsible for polluting the airwaves with mind- numbing, puerile entertainment. I have written pop songs, I have been a television producer. His mother stands by anxiously as the boy totters on the animal. O.) Born in Philadelphia, Pennsylvania in 1931, my early childhood remains accessible to me only as a series of elliptical, enigmatic memories. BUTCHER SHOP - DAY A smiling butcher hands a slice of bologna to young Barris, who puts it in his mouth. O.) The sickly sweet smell of a burning babydoll on a crisp autumn day. CHILDHOOD BEDROOM - DAY Young Barris is being dressed by his mother. O.) The calm I felt watching dust suspended in the early morning sunlight. CHILDHOOD BEDROOM - NIGHT Young Barris sits on the floor and watches the shadow of a man walking upstairs. MASTER BEDROOM - MORNING Toddler Barris watches his mother change clothes. Oh, and get me a bag of plastic army men while you're out. BARRIS (CONT'D) Bellhop Johnson was clearly repulsed by the sight of me.