Pros of dating a divorced man

31 Jan

My emotional brain would freak out and say, “Hey, don’t leave me! ” Luckily, even in those moments of anxiety, I had enough logical brain left to keep my mouth shut until I could sort my feelings.Eventually what I realized was that if I truly wanted peace, I would want God’s will to be done. And if God’s will did not include this man, then I would have to get over myself and let go.Not only that, but if I truly loved this man as the brother in Christ he was, I would want God’s will for him, too.Easy to say, much more difficult to embrace and put into practice.That relationship eventually ended because my ex-boyfriend discerned so excellently.He was so good at discernment, in fact, that he broke up with me, something I didn’t really appreciate at the time. I suddenly wished that he was not as hardcore-Catholic as he was.There’s nothing quite as fun as watching a date come to a grinding halt when you explain that not only are you Catholic, you’re really Catholic.And while you may not actually wear a chastity belt, you might as well because, by golly, you are waiting until marriage! Nothing puts the breaks on burgeoning new romance quite like those conversations will.

Never Assume It would be easy to assume that all widows and widowers had happy marriages.I don’t know about you, but for this girl, that’s tough stuff. It is this: Catholic men take discernment seriously.They discern if and how to pursue you, how to be in relationship with you, and if they feel called to marry you.Dating in the secular world is interesting, to put it mildly.It also happens to be confusing, messy, disordered and sometimes scary. Because I’ve done it, I have had all too much practice having awkward conversations about why I go to mass as much as possible, why I go to confession, and my favorite, the “reasons why I won’t live with you/sleep with you/be unchaste with you before marriage”.This certainly isn't the case with the death of a spouse.Moreover, termination of a marriage by divorce is frequently accompanied by argument, acrimony, and alienation of friends or family. In addition, one or both spouses in divorcing couples may face dramatic financial losses.Now don’t get me wrong – vocations to priesthood and religious life are beautiful and blessed.But when you have your heart set on a great guy, and he discerns a calling that doesn’t involve you in a white dress, it still hurts.I once dated a man who was very open to all vocations, and was up front about it from the beginning.Each time he talked about discerning priesthood, my heart would jump into my throat as I thought of him ending our relationship for that calling.